Poems
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No Title Date Subject
G4 Mad Cow 04/01 Dentures
G10 1Yk Bug 05/01 Y2k
G3 Rescue 04/01 The usefulness of body piercing
R1 Number 8 wire 02/05 Cullen says farmers need more than No 8 wire mentality
R2 111 call 8/03/05 Police response times to 111 calls
T1 Peter Jackson 10/03/05 Peter Jackson's early influences
R3 Treasury Happy Hour 03/05 Fart tax alternative
G2 Luigi's 03/05 Expensive restaurant
G1 Ipod 03/05 Ipod mania begins
R4 Power Problems 15/03/05 Transpower pylon proposal upsets landowners
T2 GE apples 16/03/05 Genetic engineering
R5 Ram Sale 22/03/05 King Country stocky selling Auckland ram
R6 High Country Doc 29/03/05 DOC upsets high country farmers
G5 Barbie 30/03/05 Body image
R7 Boutique Piggery 06/04/05 Piggery with vineyard pretensions
R8 Fagan's Barber 13/04/05 David Fagan wins national title again
T5 Off his face 13/04/05 Police crack down on drunkeness in pubs
T3 Cute act 14/03/05 Television NZ advert
R9 Taurine 19/04/05 New nitrogen inhibitor on trial
R10 Wapiti 26/04/05 Debate flares on whether wapiti is a pest or icon
T4 Western Springs 28/04/05 Residents oppose speedway
G6 Bandwidth Problems 28/04/05 IT language
G7 Wilderness woes 28/04/05 pervasiveness of sex in society
R11 Steak of Origin 03/04/05 Best tasting beef competition
R12 Pasture Tamaki 10/05/05 Pastural care and the Destiny Church
G8 Blow up 11/05/05 Geriatric responses to inflatable walruses
R13 Foot and Mouth 17/05/05 Foot and Mouth scare
R14 Prime Ministerial Reception 24/05/05 Foot and Mouth scare vets get recognised
R15 2005 Budget 31/05/05 Tax relief from Dr Cullen
R16 Affluent vs Effluent 06/06/05 Wakato lifestylers fight cow effluent on roads
R17 Fieldays Stool 13/06/05 Pylon issue remains contentious
R18 Queens Chain 20/06/05 Public access to private land
R19 Apple Access 25/06/05 Anzac trade negotiations as Aussie cricket team loses to Bangladesh
R20 Ute ad 05/07/05 "Sheep Shagger" TV ad launched
R21 Stocky hats 12/07/05 Wrightsons and PGG merge
R22 Election Year 19/07/05 Election on the horizon
R23 Young Farmer of the Year 26/07/05 YFC meets celebrity ballroom
T8 Celeb Scandal 27/07/05 NZ "A List" suddenly gets shorter
R25 Swandri goes off shore 09/08/05 Swandri moves manufactring to China
R26 Man Drought 16/08/05 NZ in worst "man drought" since WW2
R27 Waimate Motorcade 23/08/05 Helen Clark motorcade caught speeding
R28 Mountain Oysters 29/08/05 Farm stay accommodation
R29 Judicial Bull 05/09/05 Road rage criminal seeks name suppresion because he shares same name as All Black
T7 Benson-Pope 09/05 Rodney Hide, Benson Pope, and the tennis ball issue
R30 NPC 12/09/05 NPC time again
T9 Ellis in Court 09/05 Marc Ellis feel the blunt end of NZ judiciary
T10 Gambling the family jewels 14/09/05 Bob Clarkson's left testicle becomes an election issue
T11 Morning After 18/09/05 Don Brash considers what might have been
R31 Post election politics 20/09/05 Post election politics and wond power
R32 Pita Mita 27/09/05 Helen wins with Pita's help
R33 Dog Roll 03/10/05 Farmer put his dog on electoral roll
R34 Tow Bar 10/10/05 Prospect of a Green Cabinet Minister
R35 Rock Snot 17/10/05 Rock Snot hits SI Rivers
R36 Bandwidth Problem 25/10/05 Rural Internet Bandwidth becomes an issue
R37 Could Be Worse 03/11/05 Jim Anderton becomes Minister of Ag
R38 More Bleating 10/11/05 O'Driscoll Spear Tackle goes on and on
R39 Irrigation Solution 17/11/05 Irrigation water acces becomes an issue
R40 Maa'aaaa Nonu 23/11/05 Maa'aaa Nonu wins attention on All Black Tour
T13 Spear Tackle 11/05 Tana's spear tackle in retrospect (general version)
R41 Spear Tackle 29/11/05 Tana's spear tackle in retrospect (farmer version)
T14 World Cup Vote 11/05 Australia votes for Japan for rugby world cup
R42 Santa Parade 06/12/05 Santa Parade in Auckland 2005
R43 Sour Grapes 13/12/05 NZ sporting success has trans Tasman repecussions
T15 Suspected Paedophile class 12/05 Air NZ seats male passengers away from children
R44 Free Trade Deal 20/12/05 Jim Sutton returns empty handed
R46 Stallion Shuttle 24/01/06 Aussies seek NZ sperm donors
R47 Brazilian 01/02/06 The haircut surpasses the nationality
R48 Exchange rate 08/02/06 Mixed messages about kiwi dollar
R49 Plant Methane 15/02/06 Plants cause methane too!
T16 Whangamata Marina 02/06 Marina plans halted by Chris Carter
R50 Valentine's day 21/02/06 A very modern cow
R51 Telecom Broadband 28/02/06 Rural Broadband remains an issue
R52 Implants 07/03/06 Dog microchipping law opposed by farmers
R53 Trademe 14/03/06 Trademe- rural version
G9 Trademe 15/03/06 Trademe-general version
R54 $114.000 bale 21/03/06 Bale of NZ Merino wool sells for $114,000
R55 One Law 28/03/06 One law for all dogs debated
R56 Scotch Fillet 04/04/06 Hort Research develops an apple with red flesh
R57 European Foulbrood 10/04/06 Beekeepers march on parliament
R58 Rabbits 17/04/06 RMA red tape rankles
R59 Snails 24/04/06 High cost for snail re-location on West Coast
R60 Bra Fence 02/05/06 Cardrona bra fence attacked
R61 Soft Landing 09/05/06 Soft landing predicted for economy
R62 Meat Lovers 23/05/06 Revenge on the Evers-Swindells
R63 Biosecurity 30/05/06 Helen boosts biosecurity budget
R64 One morning in Te Kuiti 05/06/06 Meads reaction to "handbag incident"
R65 PMWS Outbreak 12/06/06 PMWS outbreak in Canterbury
R66 Service Station 21/06/06 Mobile bull semen collector launched at Fieldays
R67 Cold and dry 28/06/06 Snow storms in Canterbury, power cuts in Auckland
R68 Working Dog 04/07/06 Dog Microchipping Law ammended to exclude working dogs
R69 Virus Scare 11/07/06 Leaf roll virus hits vineyards
G12 Mount Rushmore 11/07/06 Tragedy at an American icon
R70 Jerry Can 18/07/06 Jerry Collins pees on Jade turf
R71 Butter Problems 25/07/06 NZ butter gets red carded in Europe
R72 Bicycle Principle 01/08/06 Failure of free trade talks hits farmers
R73 WTO 27/07/06 US and EU cripple Doha Round
T17 Winston's Bite 03/08/06 Winston Peters gets bitten in Malaysia
T18 Winston's Operation 04/08/06 Winston's spider bite.. again.
R74 Charlie's Feat 08/08/06 Federated Farmers Chief has a bad week.
R75 Task Force Green 13/08/06 Govt offers easier access to Task Force Green for flood hit farmers.
R76 If MPs were farmers 22/08/06 MP behaviour in the news
R77 Fonterra Shares 29/08/06 Fonterra promises shares to share-milkers.
R78 Spring Is Here 03/09/06 Spring arrives after a harsh winter.
R79 Lineout Problems 10/09/06 Lineout problems blamed on all of us.
R80 Sharapova 17/09/06 Sharapova is playing with our balls.
T19 Whangamata Marina 20/09/06 Whangamata Marina Issue hots up.
R81 Jumping the Fence 23/09/06 Trevor Mallard draws attention to Don's indiscretions.
R82 Isn't it offal 01/10/06 Politics gets even muckier
R83 Exclusive Brethren 09/10/06 Auckland farmers will stop at nothing to stop Transpower
R84 NPC Finals Time 16/10/06 Waikato makes it to the final.
R85 The Rental Scene 23/10/06 Govt proposes raising rents for scenic land
R86 Getting Loose 30/10/06 Heifer catches TB off seal
R87 Cell Phone Dangers 07/11/06 Research points to cell phone impact on male fertility.
R88 Global Warming 14/11/06 Kiwifruit "food miles" targeted in global warming report.
R89 Going Green 21/11/06 Charlie Pedersen goes green.
R90 Food Miles 28/11/06 Kiwifruit exports fingered for high "Food miles."
R91 Out in the cold 03/12/06 Don Brash and Gerry Brownley get the push.
R92 Cheese Scanner 04/12/06 Ag Research invents cheese scanner that can also detect explosives.
R93 GE Corn 11/12/06 Biosecurity discovers more GE corn in NZ fields.
R94 Bainimarama 18/12/06 Commodore Bainimarama leads coup in Fiji.
G13 CLA 06/01/07 Chicken liberationists consider tactics
R95 Gay Ram "cure". 18/01/07 US researchers find a "cure" for gay rams.
T20 Not Well Hung 18/01/07 Uproar as Sadam's hanging is badly executed.
R96 Global Warming 22/01/07 Cool temperatures raise doubts about global warming.
R97 Fonterra's Great First Half 29/01/07 Fonterra announces big profits but no increase in payout forecast.
R98 Hikuai Bridge 06/02/07 Aucklanders head home from long Waitangi Day weekend.
R99 Go Large 13/02/07 Telecom's use of the term "broadband" as a euphemism for "3rd world communications" draws criticism.
R100 Credibility Gap 20/02/07 Fonterra announces big profits but no increase in payout forecast.
R101 Lamb Oscars 27/02/07 "Lamb Oscars" awards evening coming up in Wanaka.
T21 Emergency Procedures 26/02/07 Matthew Ridge and Rebecca Loos antics on air NZ flight take our minds off global warming for the first time in 3 months.
R102 Pamela's Apology 05/03/07 Pamela Anderson makes a belated apology for wearing "dead Sheep" on her feet on "Baywatch".
R103 U Turns 13/03/07 The Government does another U turn at the farm gate.
T22 Jandals 18/03/07 Anti-Smacking legislation leads to new uses for old tools.
R104 AFFCO 20/03/07 AFFCO jumps into dairy industry .
R106 Green Dreams 27/03/07 Greens Global Warming Strategy to cost Fonterra $530 million
R105 Thongs 3/04/07 Shearers' dress code
T23 Police Investigations 3/04/07 More revelations of police behaviour
R107 100 Year flood 10/04/07 Northland has yet another 100 year flood
R108 Alkathene 17/04/07 "Anti-Smacking" where will it end?
G14 Fireman 15/04/07 Language issues in the Fire Department
R109 Re-conditioned 23/04/07 Re-conditioned All Blacks get injured in Super 14
T24 Prince Harry 23/04/07 Prince Harry goes to war
R110 Victory Speech 07/05/07 Steak of Origin time again
R111 Pitbull 15/05/07 Pitbulls and duck shooting protests in the news
R112 Budget 2007 23/05/07 2007 Budget
R113 Cullen's Clawback 30/05/07 A reminder of false promises in the 2005 Budget
T25 Lion Man 24/05/07 The Lion man gets convicted for assault
R114 Skeptic 04/06/07 Dairy prices rise again as Bush biofuel initiatives in US force up feed prices and dairy prices on the world market.
R115 Fieldays preparation 11/04/06 Fieldays time again
T26 War on Obesity 12/06/07 The war on fat heats up.
R116 Traceability 21/06/07 Traceability is the theme at the 2007 Fieldays.
R117 Paternal Responsibilities 28/06/07 Chris Jack misses AB test to be at birth of his first child.
R118 Butterworth 03/07/07 Brad Butterworth skippers Alinghi against Team NZ at a time of high dairy prices.
R119 Party Pills 09/07/07 Party pill ban leaves cattle drench as only legal source of BZP.
R120 Team NZ 16/07/07 Team NZ returns to NZ and plans for the next one.
R121 Floods again 24/07/07 More floods hit Northland.
R122 Handy Man 31/07/07 The Yellow Pages TV ad raises eyebrows as the decision to build new power pylons on farms raise hackles.
R123 Profitable Season 06/08/07 Dairy farmers discover that no matter what you earn you still look the same in your Jockeys.
R124 Syphoning the profits 12/08/07 Dairy by-products find their way into the gas tanks of NZ cars.
T27 Final Straw 09/08/07 Schollum, Shipton and Rickards saga goes on and on and on.
R125 1080 21/08/07 DOC decides to keep using 1080 drops to control possums.
R126 Sweet Dreams 28/08/07 Just when Waikato cow cockies thought things couldn't get any better, their team won the log.
R127 Horse flu 04/09/07 Horse flu hits Australia.
R128 Old memories 11/09/07 Muldoon still haunts NZ politics.
R129 Carbon Credits 17/09/07 NZ's first carbon credits go on sale on Trademe.
R130 SIS 25/09/07 The SIS turns to the less expensive task of keeping Richie in NZ.
R131 Gas Emissions 02/10/07 Goverment commits to lowering gas emissions to 1990 levels.
R132 Pe Epidemic 08/10/07 Drug abuse by farm workers becomes an issue.
R133 Wind Farm 16/10/07 Graham Henry returns to ponder what might have been.
R134 Beer Fridge 23/10/07 Helen's conservation measures threaten basic rights
R135 Terrorist? 01/11/07 Urewera terrorist search throws up an unlikely suspect.
R136 Mallard goes bush 07/11/07 Trevor Mallard goes kayaking to escape media.
R137 Pinetree moves to town 14/11/07 Colin Meads leaves the farm
R138 Tourist Training 21/11/07 Low lamb prices cause problems
R139 An udder world 28.11.07 Fonterra anounces a global vision
R140 Shear Indulgence 04/12/07 Emily Welch sets new world shearing record.
R141 Self Fleecing Sheep 11/12/07 Dorper sheep fleece themselves
R142 Dairy Conversion 18/12/07 Everyone is converting to dairy
R143 Monkey Business 15/01/08 Sledging in India-Austrlaia cricket test raises tensions.
R144 Lamb Wars 22/01/08 Australian and NZ lamb marketers fire barbs across the Tasman
R145 Resource Consent 29/01/08 Children can't remember a time before the RMA
R146 Cysteine Trial 03/02/08 Researchers find food additive to reduce cow methane emissions
R147 Dung Therapy 10/02/08 Researchers find that injesting cow dung reduces chances of getting lung cancer.
R148 Coast to Coast 17/02/08 "Coast to Coast" threatened by irrigation scheme.
R149 Father of the bride 24/02/08 Fonterra plans delayed by shareholder concerns.
R150 Dry Humour 02/03/08 Hawkes Bay farmers sympathise with Waikato colleagues.
R151 Re-structuring 07/03/08 Re-structuring of the meat industry is back on the table.
R152 Fast Forward 16/03/08 Govt announces huge bonus for pastoral sector research.
R153 Grape Marc Silage 23/03/08 Drought causes Marlborough farmers to look at grape marc stock feed.
R154 Nerida 30/03/08 "Dancing with the Stars" domonates the news.
R155 Pylon Plan 05/04/08 Inquiry opens to hear submissions on the "pylon plan".
R156 Cheese Heist 11/04/08 Cheese is the new gold
R157 Drought Shout 18/04/08 Tui Breweries shout drought hit farmers.
R158 Merger - Plan B 26/04/08 Meat Industry Merger Plans Go Back to Plan B.
R159 Ducks 05/05/08 Duck shooting season starts
R160 Missing the Cut 12/05/08 Steak of Origin time again.
R161 Possible closure 19/05/08 Oringi Meatworks face the knife.
R162 Prime Beef 26/05/08 Poor prime beef export figures envied by rugby union.
R163 Scott Dixon 30/05/08 Scott Dixon wins the Indy 500 as Dairy payouts rise again.
T30 Facebook 03/06/08 Helen and John join Facebook to chase votes.
R164 Share Prices 04/06/08 Fonterra payout rises again, share price drops.
R165 Hiding to nothing 11/06/08 Things look bleaker for the Government than for sheep and beef farmers.
R166 Fastlane Access 18/06/08 North Harbour commuters use inflatables to get to work.
R167 Richie's ankle 25/06/08 Richie's injury overshadows all else.
R168 Lauaki Simulator 01/07/08 The Springboks are in town
R169 Mover and Shaker 08/07/08 Craig Norgate becomes the mover and shaker in the meat industry.
T31 Self Defence Lessons 10/07/08 Anti Crime protester Mr Low Shoots himself in the foot.
T32 The new coach 15/07/08 Tony Veitch's "No excuses" speech is not short of excuses.
T33 A coach's nightmare 20/07/08 The shadow of "Dingo" Deans gets longer.
R170 Spreading it 24/07/08 Fertiliser spreaders of all kinds are finding the going tough.
R171 The drought is over 29/07/08 The drought is over
R172 The New Frontier 07/08/08 "Manure like" substance found on Mars
R173 Pasta Joke 14/08/08 Agresearch invents Meat Spaghetti
R174 Sheep Numbers 21/08/08 Sheep numbers drop to 8 per person.
R175 Emergency Response Team 28/08/08 Fonterra has Emergeny Response Teams to maintain milk supply when disaster strikes.
T34 Coming home to roost 04/08/08 Winston confronts a serious chicken.
T35 Hit and run 09/09/08 Rodney angers Winston's electorate
R177 Crime Wave 09/09/08 Dairy boom brings rural crime wave
R178 Moose Hunting 18/09/08 Helen takes a leaf out of Sarah Palin's book
R179 Hiding it's head 25/09/08 Fonterra CEO "goes missing" during San Lu scandal.
G15 Loyalty card 28/09/08 Loyalty cards are everywhere
R180 Teething problems 01/10/08 Fonterra'a problems in China get worse
R181 Streams of Complaint 08/10/08 Stream quality gets worse not better after 5 years of accord between the Government and Fonterra
R182 Bottoming Out 16/10/08 The share market keeps diving
R183 Credit Crunch 22/10/08 Credit Crunch hits some harder than others.
R184 Campaign Trail 30/10/08 Helen hits the Campaign Trail
R185 Implants 06/11/08 Everyone's into cosmetic surgery
T36 Election Fallout 12/11/08 Helen goes with a Clinton quote ringing in her ears.
R186 The Ministerial Fitting Room 12/11/08 Trying to find a fit for Rodney
R187 Initial Problems 19/11/08 The Feds disagree with the NAIT
R188 Mail Time 26/11/08 Ricky Spits the Dummy
R189 Google Street View 02/12/08 Google launches "Street View"
R190 Dairy Conversion 12/12/08 Even the Gangs are into it.
R191 Niche Marketing 16/12/08 Rumours that Carl is coming home.
G16 ebay 04/01/09 Suicide by online auction
R192 Hadron Collider 07/01/09 Hadron collider gets closer to the truth
R193 Online auction 14/01/09 Online Auctions become popular for agricultural marketing.
R194 It Could be worse 21/01/09 People worse off than farmers: 01
R195 Sanlu Verdicts 28/01/09 Fonterra is slow to react to Sanlu verdicts.
R196 Hung out to dry 05/02/09 Fonterra is hanging with the big boys.
R197 Early Adopters 13/02/09 PGG stats an online auction site for stock.
R198 Dairy Conversion 20/02/09 Beef stud bull tempted to dairying
R199 Booty Call 26/02/09 The end of the glory days for dairy farmers?
R200 Dog Redundancy 04/03/09 Silver Fern meat works to stop using sheep dogs.
R201 Getting Tough 12/03/09 Fonterra gets tough of polluters
R202 Interest Rates 19/03/09 Banks slow to drop overdraft rates
R203 Drought Relief 27/03/09 Cricket test in Napier brings rain to Hawkes Bay
R204 Tax donation 03/04/09 PM encourages Tax cut beneficiaries to donate to those more in need.
R205 Running of the sheep 09/04/09 Sheep stampede in Te Kuiti
R206 Feral Deer 16/04/09 Birth control pills for possums
R207 Smelling of Roses 20.04/09 Fonterra benefits from Sanlu debacle
R208 Possum Pills 27/04/09 Possums put on the pill
R209      
R210 Bad weather 01/05/09 Weather man gets the sack
R211 Emissions Trading Scheme 08/05/09 The ETS explained
R212 PLO 15/05/09 Pork industry under attack
R213 Billy the hunted one 22/05/09 Fugitive about to come in from the cold
R214 Bollocks 29/05/09 Trade minister eacts to allegations
R215 Ag Art Awards 05/06/09 Field Days fashion
R216 Sharing the pain 12/06/09 Pay freeze for Fonterra Execs
R217 Referendumb 24/06/09 Smacking Referendum redefines stupidity
R218 Jacko 18/07/09 Tribute to Jacko
R219 We're all farmers 10/07/09 Banks keep interest rates high
R220 Bronze medal 25/07/09 NZ gets bronze at Fat Olympics
R221 Aussie Competition 01/08/09 Don Brash gets job to make us as productive as Austrlaia
R222 Taser 08/08/09 Police use helicopters to move their 1 taser from emergency to emergency
R223 Three Wise Men 15/08/09 All Black coaches look for positives
R224 Bulls Toilets 22/08/09 Bulls plans new public toilets
R225 Umu 21/08/09 Dog cooking hits the news
R226 Taking responsibility 24/08/09 Dairy farmers get blamed for another environmental disaster
R227 New Approach 04/09/09 Gerry Brownlee wants to mine Conservation Land
R228 Police Assets 10/09/09 Govt looks to sell police assets
R229 Lineout Woes 17/09/09 AB's lineout coach despairs
R230 Orangutans 24/09/09 Homeless orangutans become a dairy farmer's responsibility.
R231 Water Prints 02/10/09 "Water footprints" become fashionable in European markets.